Over, under, in between.

First of all: I made a tumblr: http://pizzacutter.tumblr.com/

Secondlyt, I'm realizing I'm overqualified for many of the things I currently do and "underqualified" for 90% of the shit I want to do.

Well, let me rephrase that: I'm overqualified for the way that I act in public. I assume that I come off as a bit of an idiot because I often hear the words coming out of my mouth and can't control them; I hear my own awkward, uncomfortably inappropriate giggling escape and I cannot figure out why afterwards. I kick myself for it constantly. Maybe "overqualified" is the wrong word; perhaps I'm just a fucking uncontrollably odd person. I swear to god, if I get called "eccentric" one more goddamned time, I'll put the guilty party's hand in a blender. Just kidding. But still, my point stands: I get really frustrated with myself because of the way other people respond to...my self. This is the reason I like hanging out with people one-on-one; I can convey my emotions and thoughts coherently and I don't feel frazzled, frantic, and frustrated (!) due to the situation.

And as for the unqualified part: I am terrified of being not-quite-good-enough. I write a shit ton and rarely share it because that is certainly not something I'm referring to; in regards to writing, I don't believe anyone's overqualified. However, I am completely unqualified to publish said work. Some of it's not bad, but I'm too afraid to even post in via the interwebz, let alone try and submit it somewhere. I would love to try, but god damn...I mean, I quit being a vocal major partially because I hate singing infront of people so much. I would say that most of my friends (with the exception of Ryan, because we used to play/sing together) have heard me sing, outside of along to songs in cars, a total of two to five times. I'm just terrified to sing infront of...everyone. I'm terrified to read my writing because I fear rejection (though Writer's Exchange really helped this, in some way). I'm unqualified, though, to be a concert singer as a career - although, of course, this isn't the career I want, anyways. But I'd also love to be a glassblower and due to having incredibly shaky hands, I simply cannot do this. I'm terrified of water where I can't see the bottom; if I could get over this, I would, but I literally freeze up and can't move if I try (not even in ponds - seriously). Perhaps I'm not even unqualified; maybe I'm just afraid of failure. Gah, either way: it's peculiar that I continue to pursue things that I

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
-From Jonathan Safran's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I just saw on somebody's page. It makes me ridiculously sad. It's coincidental that I saw that while writing this.

I believe that every face will eventually align with every place. Each person anew and recycled, as always has been, as always will be.