I have no answers, I'm rambling.

You know how in Slaughterhouse 5, Vonnegut talks about being "unstuck in time"? That, for some reason, is how I constantly feel.

I am perpetually feeling like I have no solid place in time and that I am incapable of just settling down and dealing with it. When I'm in "right now" and think about the "past," I get somewhat upset because I have no control over that anymore. And the future? We're tricked into believing we have tons of control over our choices but really, we're given a set of circumstances, a pencil, and told to choose A, B, C, or D. Then we deal with what we've done and go from there.

To be totally honest, I'm really terrible at being honest. Not because I love lying but more because I like shifting the truth to my liking; if you don't have the ability to control what's going on, why not attempt to change the way it's viewed? Half the time, that's more important than what it all is in actuality. It's not as though I lie constantly and I certainly don't typically lie when it will (1)affect the way people view other people - I try to give them credit and just hope they'll see each other for who they are regardless of my opinion most of the time (2)hurt somebody in general. I try not to get lost in untruths but sometimes, if you've only told yourself the lie, you tend to murk the waters a little too much. Now I'm just rambling.

Current events: Saturday, David and I got dinner and went to My Bloody Valentine. We both love horror and have seen quite a bit, so this wasn't really a unique experience minus (1)seeing it with tons of loud OC residents (2)the 3-D aspect. Pretty bad script, cop-out ending, kinda tasteless gore. With such a big budget, they could have done better. We then went over to James' apartment and hung out, drank a bit, and then went back and crashed around 3 or 4 am. Last night, I went to James' again last night and he, his roommate Tyler, his girlfriend Jessie, and I just drank and watched silly reality shows. It was a really nice night and definitely the break I needed from the tension in my room.

Ever since I was very young, I've been watching planes fly over my house and wishing I was on one of them. Not to escape permanently, though. I just want to be New somewhere.