You're the only proper noun I need.

Things I want to do in the next ten years:

1. Have children. I want to be a mother so badly, I can't even explain it. And by "have" children I mean adopt because there is no way in hell I am giving my insanely annoying medical history to a kid to deal with. They'll end up being a near-blind perpetually-anxious depressive with OCD and sickly pale skin. Not to mention that whole "overpopulation" thing. It feels too selfish to add another, though I can understand why some people wouldn't feel that way. It's all a personal thing. But every time I see a little kid, I get super happy for the parent(s) and hope that they value their parenthood.
2. Publish a book of poetry. At this point, I would say I have around 40 - 50 working poems: 30-something that aren't at all ready to be shown or submitted and around 8 - 10 that I would be willing to try with.
3. Finish my bachelor's. Get my master's. This will hopefully happen by age 25 or so.
4. Live in either Boston or northern CA. Or Ireland.
   
5. According to a fortune teller I saw when I was pretty young, I'll be married at 27. I don't see this happening, but sure. Why the hell not!
6. Write/record album. Possibly release.
   
7. Have both half sleeves done. One will be the sun rising over a black silhouette of the woods and lake in Maine where my mom's side of the family has a camp (built by my great grandfather). I might include the camp, too. The other will be the sun setting over the ocean with lots of blues and purples.
8. Work consistently with a group that helps animals get adopted by good homes. I'm looking at http://fochp.org here in Orange County currently, so I'll contact them tomorrow. I want to actually host animals, though, but that part will have to wait for a few years. :(
   
9. Get a job as a as a professor of poetry.
10. Get over my PTSD, my OCD, and my anxiety.
    
11. Be fluent in at least one other language.

All I've done the past few days: listen to music, write, sleep. Nobody that I'm close with (besides David, but we hung out so much last week that I think that option's been exhausted, and James, who is in some crazy situations/we didn't see that much of him right before we all left, anyways) is back. Not that I'm even that close with many people here. I know it's terrible but it seems like I just expect people to understand my weird humor and appreciate it the same way my friends at home do. Olivia is coming back Saturday as well as a few others, but before then, I really only have a few things to do:
1) LOST
2) Send things to Ben Cooper
3) Go camping with David, James, and Jessie but I am nearly positive this won't happen
I have such a hard time being close to new people because I rarely don't find things wrong with them. It's here, too; it's this place. I'm an absurdly stubborn person in a location where being "easy-going" is necessary to be socially active. But so many people, in my eyes, have such a high expendability rate that I simply don't even want to bother. I'm not content, but I'm even less content playing beer pong with sweaty frat boys or going running because I want to fit into this string bikini or that size 2 dress or rushing a sorority only (because this obviously is not everyone's reasoning) because I don't want to put in the effort of just making new friends or because I want the benefits of parties every weekend. Thanks, but I am just fine playing beer pong with ten or less people, owning one bathing suit that basically is a dress that covers me from chest to mid-thigh, and being in clubs that don't have paid membership.

And thus, the root of my problem. I can't justify doing these things, so I simply don't do them.

My room is somewhat tense. I don't hang out with either of my roommates, they're both in the same sorority, and I am sort of the "other" roommate. What's funny is that they both have talked shit about each other on numerous occasions, yet they talk far more to one another than to me. It's just amusing, that's all. The day I moved back in, they both separately said shit about each other to me. One of them is moving out soon. The other one wants one of her sorority sisters to move in after. Thanks for consulting me! Gah. I can't wait to live off campus next year. I'd like to live alone but that's just me being a hermit. I'll probably end up living with one other person. Hopefully they watch Lost.

I love being a hermit though I simultaneously wish I could be one of those people that is completely oblivious to things. The fact that I am hypercritical of new people in my life means that I filter out a lot of shitty individuals (though I still am extremely nice to most people, I just refuse to let them in my life past a certain point), but it also means that I have less people in my life, period. Which would be fine, normally, because it's quality over quantity in my opinion, but given that two of the only people I actually get along with are on the other side of the country, I don't exactly have tons of options. Once in a while, I'd love to be the sort of person that just does things without reason because it's omgfun! and likes boys because they're omgcute! and doesn't constantly feel like this:

Seriously, though. In my first week of school, I got "You look like that girl from Eternal Sunshine!" seven times a day and "You remember that cartoon on MTV with the girl with the glasses?" "Uh, Daria?" "YEAH! You remind me of her" about four times. I feel like a short-order cook is being asked to take back my order because it NEEDS MOAR PEP!