I am not the same person I was a few minutes ago, as usual. This has always been irritating but now it's just plain getting in the way. I keep forgetting where I am. It's far too constant, though it does tend to come in waves; that is, some weeks, it'll happen only once or not even at all a day, but then other weeks, it'll happen every few minutes at least a few hours a day.
How is this remotely normal? Not that "normal" isn't some little shroud we unwittingly forced into the same dictionary category as "average," making it synonymous with the mean of "everyone," but still...I have never heard of constant personality changes so frequent. I know of Multiple Personality Disorder, but I still know my name, have the same memories, etc.; I just don't have the same outlook what-so-ever and feel like I have an entirely different reaction to things. It's as though I grew up with the same experiences and interpreted them differently, formed a different personality based on those reactions, and now...I'm not Samantha. Not that there is one Samantha.
Fuck.
I always debate whether or not to use that word alone. I am aware that I'm a creative writing major, a bibliophile, and love words: I should use something more descriptive to how I feel that elaborates, exaggerates, whatever. I should be capable of that. But right now, I don't have another word that more accurately describes how I feel than "fuck." I'm confused and want to not be so.
If you're reading this, I hope that you're less confused than I.
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