Orange County: Where people are like infomercials!

I need to move up to the Bay. I don't particularly enjoy Orange County (and hell knows how I feel about Los Angeles). I've always been so nomadic, and simultaneously ashamed and proud of that quality. It's not the place where I'll accomplish the things I want to. I haven't met the sort of people I need to meet. Or, rather, I've met a few, but very few and far between. There are a few people whom are really fantastic and I actually have spoken with this summer and have future plans with, but for the most part, I'm just not happy there. Maybe I'm just bummed right now. I think my new living situation will be really nice and I am really stoked for that, and having a car (cross your fingers for me, haha) will hopefully help a lot, as well...plus, Chapman is ridiculously expensive/ridiculously frustrating.

My love life is a mess; though, of course, it's always been "complicated." Now it's just in moderate shambles...although it seems to be almost rebuilding itself these days. I've got my index overlapping my "fuck off" finger, hoping for that one.

Q: What's the difference between New York and LA?

A: In NY, people stab you from the front.

I'm just as ridiculous as plenty of southern California types, of course. I'm neurotic and brash, obsessive and frustrating, aggressive and needy. But I am also extremely honest and unable to censor myself when speaking with friends--something I probably should learn to control, but at least I don't lie. I am so frequently the person who says what her companion is whispering behind hands; I can't help it. Which is probably why I come off as a giant cunt sometimes, but nevertheless, I feel better that the people I dislike most likely know and I don't have to make the :D face even though I find them to be entitled spoiled brats or trashy selfish assholes, yadda yadda. I should probably learn to STFU, though, because if I'm saying things aloud that other people choose not to say towards the target's face, then chances are, I am the one who will appear to be a bitch. Ah, honesty...it is so frustratingly consequential. So while I'm similar to many socal type folks (and, before you say "people are like that everywhere," I'm referring more to the sheer frequency that people suck in dishonest ways in socal), I don't belong there. I belong somewhere quieter.

Over a year ago, I wrote this entry. It had goals of things I thought I'd do in the next year (so, by now). I've bolded the ones that happened + added notes in red.

Goals for the next year or so:

1. Stop being so co-dependent on other people. Did the opposite.
2. Write as much as possible. Hopefully, work up confidence to submit things.
   
3. Stop accommodating everyone around me regardless of how it makes me feel. Opposite!
4. See WHY? live.
   
5. Successfully move into Sad/Glad House
6. Start dreads once my hair is about two inches longer than it is now.
7. Lose approximately 10 to 15 pounds. No, but I have lost 7 so hopefully I'm on my way to finally doing this shit.
8. Get a damn job or at least work on enough sets that I can pay for shit with the money from them. Although I don't exactly get much from those sets...
9. Get a Filbert. If you don't know what that is, please see this article and this picture.
10. Have a fairly large collection of 1/2" plugs (and etc. such stuff). I actually ended up getting a medium-large collection of 5/8" because I switched my goal size!
11. Work on confidence issues, anxiety, etc.
12. Start side pieces, hopefully be done with at least the outlines. Got both a scarification piece and a side piece with text...so, sort of accomplished?

I'm trying to calm down. Why am I so chronically needy? I miss being needed; I miss taking care of someone. Maybe I just need a bunny rabbit...