This is your two-minute warning.

Last night, I went to Alex's and he, Mohammad, and I went skinny dipping in the Tully Lake. I somehow hadn't gone skinny dipping yet this summer (though I'm sure there'll be plenty on the NorCal trip in a few weeks...), and it was really lovely. I saw a shooting star, I swam in water where I can't see the bottom--which, I'll have you know, terrifies me.

Of course, I drank quite a bit of Bailey's before hand and they had lots of whiskey, so we were at least liqueured up and stoked, but it was overall really nice. We meant to wake up at like 8 am and leave, but we slept until probably 11, and then Mohammad and I got lost on the way back from Tully, but it's okay, because it was a gorgeous day. I love driving around that area; it's perfect. I dropped him off around noon, then James & I went back that way to the res, got cigarettes, ate dinner at his mom's apartment, and drove around for a while. I ended up grocery shopping later and now I'm just exhausted.

I'm on a 10-day fast right now where I eat less than 500 calories a day.

It sounds really stupid and unhealthy, but I'm not even doing to just to lose weight. It's more because I'm sick of being obsessed with eating and food, and always needing dessert and...I don't know, I just want to finally end my addiction and dependency on it. I've lost 8.5 lbs so far this summer (I started actively trying to lose weight at the very end of May). I'm 126.5 right now, I'd love to be 122 by the middle of August. But that's irrelevant; what's more important is that I'd love to just not constantly desire food and feel like eating when I'm happy/sad/anxious/bored.

Anyways,

There are some people whom I wish I had met when they were younger and more malleable. The older every gets, the more stubborn and unable to change. They never go gently into change; they are tentatively welcoming to everyone. When we're younger, when we're children, we're never like this. When we come to a new place, we need everyone we can get, uncautiously diving into whomever is around us. Flailing around, trying to grab some hands and defeat the loneliness that comes with change.

I don't know if law is what I really want to do, but I sort of don't feel like I have much of a choice considering I know how I want my life to end up somewhat and that involves having a decent amount of money. Yeah yeah, criticize my dollar-hugging attitude, but I would rather do a career I am 70% desiring of than that pays for my kids to go to college (without huge loans) and live in a beautiful place and travel with me than do a career I'm 95% in love with that makes it near-impossible for me to ever feel financially secure. I love memorization and I love arguing ("debating"). If there's anything I'm good at, it's finding a way to understand people's actions and words, and if necessary, use them to my advantage. People are silly, they say stupid things, they leave huge holes open in their words and behaviors. And if somebody's guilty, I always find out (always); if I can make a career out of that, then all the more happiness.

Also.