This is what they mean when they say "Too little too late."

I am a novelty. Or, at the least and out of necessity, a nomad.

I'm trying so hard to be healthy. I hate the fact that I yo-yo diet and go from eating 500 calories a day to 2000 occasionally, back and forth over and over. It's not good for me but it's a habit I've had for years. Since the beginning of the summer, I've gradually been able to settle on approximately 900 to 1200 calories a day (now leaning more to 1200 each day, so woohoo). I'm not 127.5 lbs. so that's swell, and I've run 11 miles in the past two days (+ I'm about to go running again in a moment).

James mentioned that he thinks he might have BDD (info), which causes a person to think they look quite differently than the do. He, for example, is 5'10" and 149 lbs., quite thin, but sees himself larger than he is. Sometimes, I'm confused whether or not I do as well because once in a while, I'll think I'm on the thinner side (like, once every few weeks) while most days, I feel like I'm quite huge. When I look in a mirror, I see wide arms, awkward breasts, an undefined jawline, bushy hair, bad teeth, love handles, and terribly large upper thighs. I just want to not see that anymore, and the only way I won't see that any longer is if I lose a bit of weight. Goddamnit, I totally didn't want to turn this into a weight rant. But here I am, ranting. Surprise.

Something I've always found funny is that when people try to insult me, they always think they're telling me something I don't know. I am self-absorbed, I am somewhat attention-starved, I am a bit on the chubbier side. I am totally willing to admit all of these things. Nobody recently has said them, but I recently saw somebody who had said all those things way back in high school-era and I sort of just giggled, because unless somebody's going to send me on some revelation, I'll probably never go particularly wild realizing something new. Lo siento; it's almost impossible to insult somebody who can do it far better than you're possibly capable of.

Yadda yadda. I need to go running. Peace out.