Bacon Cupcakes & Beyond

Doubtful.

However, this weekend was really goddamned good. It was one of the best I've had in CA.

• Thursday, Chelsea and Taylor drove from IDAHO down to Orange. We got Cherry on Top with Heidi, went to a lingerie ("or less") party, got tipsy, and went back to the house to hang out more.
• Friday - Nathan, Eric, and Elizabeth came over and Heidi, Taylor, Chelsea, and I made dinner for everyone. Anna came home, we all swam for a while and drank quite a bit. We all ate the tasty pancake, fruit, and bacon cupcake noms and it was a really good time. I may have burned a few pancakes, though...
  
• That night, we went to Street Fair which was actually really fun despite the fact that I hate crowds 85% of the time. I am quite good at navigating through them, though, due to my hatred of them.
• Post-street fair, everyone migrated over to Studio D (Greg/Mikey/Kristi/Steph's) and continued drinking and having a lovely night. A few people stayed over and the next morning, I was fucking wiped-out-sleepy.
  
• Saturday - We woke up around 1:30ish, so half the day was gone. Chelsea and Taylor went to visit her brother in Placentia and Heidi & I stuck around the house IIRC.
• Later that night (!), we four went to the Saloon's party and danced for literally 2+ hours straight due to some lovely folks DJing and making it a good time.
• Considering that at this point, we were wasted, we went back to our house but stopped at Jack in the Box first and couldn't stop fucking giggling. It was, for some reason, an insanely funny trip.
• Got home, had Bryan, Chad, Greg, and Ryan over, and then passed the fuck out.
  
• Sunday - Heidi and I went with Wes and Mikey to LA to go to LACMA and see the Korean exhibition. It was incredible, I can't even go into detail. If you have access, go see it yourself - "Your Bright Future" is what it's all called (as well as one of the pieces) and it's fucking fantastic.
• We went to Chinatown and ate at the restaurant where Rush Hour took place!
• Got home, passed out.

Also, a note: looks like BeezyTalk IS happening this semester! We are indeed having a radio show and we'll be asking a few of our buds to hopefully stop back when in Orange and do some DJing. It'll be a wide-range of music variety but I promise, there'll be something for everyone and we've got a few tricks up our sleeves ;D

Short shooorts.


Nathan receiving a 40 from Heidi.


Making noms in our kitchen.




Chelsea and I!


Maple cupcakes + maple vanilla frosting + bacon = WOW AWESOME. Thank you, Chelsea.


Heidi, me, Jessica being beezies.


Super cereal.


Aww, Nate and us.


I look weird in glasses.






Daaancin'.




The fellahs that showed up and the chiquitas that were already there.




SO AWESOME. This was at LACMA.

Too late.

It is 74 degrees outside now, according to weather.com, but I'm willing to bet it's 80+ in my room at the moment. FUUU-. Today, despite being my worst day of the school week (Intro to Creative Writing 1-2:15, Composing Self 2:30-3:45, Beauty of Physics 4-5:15, Social Problems 7-9:50 and then Chappy Radio meeting), went fairly well. I'm tired, sure, but I feel like it's easier to "watch what I eat" and "exercise more" when I live fifteen minutes walking from campus (so it's not close enough to actually want to drive, not that I even have a car, but I could go in with Rae/Anna) and don't have time to eat much.

Lots of Odd Nosdam, Rusko, and M83 today. Astronautalis and Water Bears have been up there lately, too. Speaking of music, a list of things I'm doing this weekend:

• Having Chelsea over! I'm so excited to hang out with her and her boyfriend for a few days.
• Orange International Street Fair! Food + beer + lots of people = always awesome, minus the "lots of people" part. :)
• Going to the Saloon's party on Saturday as well as the "Octopus Party" that Daniel, Tyler, and somebody else (I think) are having that night.
• Going into the desert with Chelsea and her fellah as well as maybe Heidi or somebody, exploring, hiking, drinking, and taking pretty pictures.
• Going up to LA on Sunday with Wes to go to Amoeba and a few other places. It'll be a nice quiet day away from Orange.
  
• Cleaning the house a hell of a lot, particularly my floor and the kitchen floor.
  

Problem: Heat
Solution: Smoke menthols in the pool (while listening to Louis Armstrong).
????
PROFIT!

This is Chelsea! She's super fantastic, gawgeous, and a nice gal.
I'm stoked to introduce her around and such; I believe she's coming to the Saloon!

Heidi and I on one of the 4092384 100+ degree days.


Getting drunk with Greg at the Syc + Shaf house nearby, y/y?

I want to goddamned sleep. Why is this so difficult given how insanely tired I am? I take sleep medication- I get drowsy the next day and not even while I'm trying to sleep. I try relaxing all of my muscles- I feel sweaty and sickened. I try to just lay back for a while and close my eyes like a normal person usually does- I get cramps, I feel like punching my ovaries, and I get onto the goddamned internet like it'll somehow assist.

August is over.

Thank goodness. I'm hoping it cools off in the near future; it's been almost exclusively in the 90s-100s these past two weeks with the exception of today, which was 88. Today was Steph's birthday so we went over to Studio D and hung out for a while there. I need to get my bike (!) fixed asap so I don't need to walk in this goddamned heat.

My classes are actually pretty sick with the exception of Intro to Creative Writing. I'm taking it with a fellow who seems to have a little too much to prove. Somewhat pretentious, it seems, and that frustrates me, but I'll give it a chance, it's required for my major, + it's at 1pm and it's my first class on Mondays so I really don't feel like giving it up. We're reading some good stories; I just am pretty doubtful of the structure of the class considering we literally ONLY read stories for the first 9 weeks - that is, no poetry, no creative nonfiction, no journalism, etc. and then we work on one story the rest of the semester. Not happy about that, but ah well.

However! Right after that class, I have a class called Composing the Self with Doug Sweet and oh my dear god, that man is fucking awesome. I am SO thrilled to have a class with him. He lacks the normal bullshit teachers put between you and themselves, and hates the "intro, thesis, transition sentences, three body paragraphs, fuckfuckyaddayadda" bullshit that so many teachers (ahem, Writing About Film last year) absolutely adore. As writers, though, do they honesty believe anybody's that interested in those sorts of essays? If Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs had been structured that way, I doubt I would've read past the first page. Anyways, Sweet = the teacher I'm most stoked about since I got to Chapman. There's no real "structure" to the class, he doesn't bullshit, he's into creative writing whether it's poetry or prose or creative nonfiction or whatever you want, and he's an avid learner/reader/teacher. I am seriously so stoked on this class.

I'm also taking Beauty of Physics, a non-math physics class. The teacher's pretty chill, gave us cake (which some random nice fellah brought to Heidi and I), and it was a good time. I actually am interested in the subject matter and hopefully won't totally blow at it like I did in high school. At the least, I won't be quite as deterred as I was back then by all the goddamned math.

I'm taking six classes this semester (tomorrow I've got Studies in Literary Tradition at 10 and then Elementary Arabic at 5:30; Wednesday's the same as today but with Social Problems from 7-10pm), so I have to be extra serious. Or serious at all. Something like that.

Hopefully I'll be working on sets in the near future; I know for sure that I'll be on Elise's in October/November and somebody else's around then, too, and that one'll pay. :D However, I need a real job asap. I am applying to a daycare nearby this week; I can't think of a more fun job than working with little kids besides working with animals, haha.

Over and out.

And carefully.

Note: There's no reason for you to read this. So don't. I'm merely putting it out here for the hell of it. Ignore this unless you're oddly interested or really goddamned bored.

You know how many (I would go so far as to say "most") people wonder if their own thoughts and emotions are "normal," so to speak? I occasionally find myself pondering whether or not I am in the same general realm of thought as everybody else. Not that there's some sort of hierarchy; I merely mean that I wonder if I possess the same capacity levels as the general mean of the world. I say "the mean" because there really is no known "mode," though this is all just myself rambling so goddamned ignore it if you're rolling your eyes at this point.

The things I've noticed about my own personality and past that appear to be different than most people I've met are as follows (I'll elaborate in a minute):

1. I cannot remember entire chunks of my childhood.
2. I "jump" into reality every so often and remember who I am.
   
3. My phobias and compulsions control quite a bit of the way I behave to a grossly high degree, and have since I was a small child.
4. My logic and emotions are almost too deeply entangled.
   
5. I have an absurd amount of empathy.

Those, in short, aren't what makes me a "unique person," for we are all unique people - genetics and differences in experiences, upbringings, etc. are what makes us each a "unique person." These are what make me feel outside of my own body and out of control of my own decisions, though.

One: I cannot remember entire chunks of my childhood.
I have zero idea as to why this happens. It's not something I realized until fairly recently. I was trying to think of things from my childhood like teachers and friends but I literally cannot, for the life of me, remember almost anything unless it's a story somebody else recanted to me or it was a very, very large event. Pre-8th grade, I hardly remember a fucking thing and I have a good idea as to why this is, why everything before I hit 14 was blasted away for the most part, but it still makes me so uncomfortable.

Two: I "jump" into reality every so often and remember who I am.
I've discussed this previously in length, but in short, I randomly "fall" back into my own body and suddenly realize where I am, who I'm with, and who I am. There are weeks when I'll go without having these sort of oddities, but for a short while, it'll happen frequently and it freaks me out. It's like watching a movie and suspending your own disbelief, then suddenly having someone snap in your face.

Suddenly things will get entirely too "realistic" out of the blue (the situation varies completely: I could be doing laundry or I could be at a party or I could be in the car and it'll happen) and I'll lose all of my emotion. I will literally be entirely unable to feel any sort of compassion or interest in everyone around me. Usually, it goes away within a short period of time. Occasionally, it'll happen while I'm crying and suddenly, I'll have zero desire to keep crying even if it does continue and the only thing in my head is to concentrate on not making a peculiar face while doing so. A few times, though, there have been long stretches of at least a week where I feel this way. Once, in the summer of 2006, it was about a week and a half before I could even get out of bed; there was no desire to move or eat or speak. I wasn't depressed; I was merely emotionless and undriven to do anything. Everytime I thought of contact with most people, I immediately visualized a wall between myself and them, and it wouldn't mentally budge. I snapped out of it, and fuck, I felt amazing but I always dread if it'll happen again.

Three: My phobias and compulsions control quite a bit of the way I behave to a grossly high degree, and have since I was a small child.
I don't like speaking about my specific phobias because there's at least one that upsets me to a huge degree to even think about. However, in regards to the compulsions, I do have OCPD yet in odd manners: I'm not super neat but things HAVE to have a specific order. I have to do certain things or I'll be really irritated and frustrated and anxious. It's so stupid because it's definitely a mind over matter thing, but the only time I can recall before the number 3 dictated most of my actions was...when the number 4 dictated most of my actions (up until around 9, I think...definitely before I was a teenager). TL;DR (as is the rest of this shit),

Four: My logic and emotions are almost too deeply entangled.
Meh, this one is definitely not that different than many people. I'm sure I come off as immensely emotional, possibly worse, but I am completely aware of this and choose to still act the way I act because I know that that's merely my personality and I can't control the fact that I feel a hell of a lot. I let it control my actions, though, to a too-high degree. I won't go into detail further, but in all honesty, this is something I would love to work on (though I don't think I would be doing anything besides numbing them, which is an idiotic thing to do).

People I've been with in relationships always describe me as "intense." There's a reason why they used to escalate so quickly. I am a passionate person, and people are often drawn to that for a while before being completely deterred in preference for a more logically sound person. This is not something I hold against them. They wind up visiting again at some point, anyways, for some reason, though most aren't people I'd like to see again.

Five: I have an absurd amount of empathy.
There's a reason I suck at confrontation, and it's not because I'm bad at arguing (on the contrary: quite a few teachers/professors in the past have commented that that's probably one of my strongest points personality-wise, haha). I'm just terrible at hurting other people. Not only do I hate doing it, but in addition, I know that if I hurt somebody else I'll literally feel physical pain in my stomach and head as well as a spatter of other feelings. When I see a kid get made fun of, I literally get so sad I'm sick. I most likely wouldn't care nearly as much if somebody was saying terrible things about me across a room; I usually get more offended if they're saying things about the people I'm with, as well. The only time I got in a physical fight during school was when a boy named Patrick kept spewing out homophobic shit at people in our class, including myself but definitely not the focus, and I eventually just pounded him in the face and groin. If he had only said things about me, I may've been offended and bummed out, but probably would not have made him cry.

I hate watching other people in pain, even the smallest bit of upset feelings, whether or not I care a lot about them. I used to have nightmares as a kid about other people getting hurt, not typically myself. It upset me more that way, for some reason. I recently hurt somebody I care very much about and I am beating myself up about it to a fucking high degree. Gah.


So, anyways, considering nobody'll read all of that, I may've just as well as written an essay on Goatse. Whatever, I feel a bit better now that it's all written out. Silly Sam.

I caught my eye in a swinging door.

Despite the fact that Jawbreaker's did a hell of a lot here in CA, I've noticed that so few people have any idea who they are. Ridiculous. They were fucking amazing; Dear You is still one of my all-time favorite albums. I can see how some people wouldn't dig them because it's not their style or whatever, but Jawbreaker is just one of those bands that you should know. Their influence is vast yet somehow Jets to Brazil's the little Schwarzenbach project that holds a lot of attention.

Jets to Brazil is more digestable than Jawbreaker in some ways, sure, but the musicality of JtB is (in my opinion, o'course) not nearly as stunning as was in Jawbreaker. "Accident Prone" and "Fireman" are fucking fantastic; the layering in "Accident Prone" always gets me, particularly at the bridge. "Jet Black" has great lyrics, as do so many other songs, partially due to the sardonic texture of everything said.

I would give SO much to have seen their release show in '95 at the Roxy when they were right about to break up (simultaneously releasing Dear You). However, I was just shy of 6 years old and, uh, probably wouldn't have fit it.

Anyways, that's my rant on Jawbreaker. I was listening to them and decided to go on & on. Recent news:

• Our neighbors are batshit insane and have it out to get us, basically. Shitstorm brewed quickly and exploded immensely.
  
• Went to a party last night. Too many people there. Got clausterphobic, eep. Fun, nonetheless, and glad I went.
  
• Watched Hamlet 2 with Heidi tonight. Mixed feelings on the movie; it's sporadically funny but mostly just stupid. Also, I hate actress like Amy Poehler, to be honest.
  
• I got a bike! Relatively cheap and works just fine. Heidi and I went bike riding over Jessica's and I'm trying to gain better control over the damn thing. I really don't want to ride in traffic. D:

Over and out.

Your mind makes me nervous.

For some odd reason, I've been neglecting this lately. I know a few people say that they read it, but tbh, it doesn't really matter because I tend to just release literate-matter into the webesphere for no particular reason regardless of the website.

The past 2 1/2 weeks of my life, in short:

• Stayed at Jean's for a short while while Glad House got all snazzied up.
• Jean turned 21, had a damn classy party, I saw lots of good folks, got a little tipsy, and had a good time.
• Moved into Glad House! Didn't have running water for two days nor internet for a week, but shit's SICK now. The house looks incredible and seriously, the weather has been 106 this past week so all we do during the day is fucking swim and eat ice cream/gelato/go to Trader Joe's.
• I met Heidi's parents (they helped her move in) although I'd already met her mom when I went up to Santa Cruz for spring break. Super nice folks and her room is sick.
• Hung out with Mike Parvizayyy a fair amount because he moved in pretty much down the street. We've had some wine, all gotten a bit tipsy, and life's good.
• Monday (Anna's birthday) night, we had a party. I would estimate 20-30 people were there and it was extreeemely fun. Saw lots of old faces that I hadn't seen in a minute, so it was really nice. Anna, Heidi, Nate, and I went to Ihop at something like 4 AM and I ate quite a bit o' bacon. We went back to the house and the girls went to bed. I ended up staying up and eventually, Nathan and I went swimming at like 6 in the morning. Quite cold, but fun nonetheless.
  
• Went to Low End Theory last night with Eric and a few other people. It was fucking great, to say the least, and Gaslamp & Edit = just awesome. So stellar, I was beaming the whole damn time. I now am in possession of a membership card, and certainly plan on going quite a damn bit. I believe Heidi and I are planning on going next week, actually...
• Though the night was more eventful, all I did ALL day yesterday before going to Low End was listen to jazz music loudly while swimming and smoking in the pool wearing my old-school (not of purpose; I just hate bikinis) bathing suit, bright red lips, twirled-hair, and sunglasses. I did this twice. It was awesome each time. I watched the sun set from my porch while hearing "Georgie on my Mind" as performed by Louis Armstrong. It was such a nice fucking day.
  
• My ears are at 1/2"! Only a few more millimeters in diameter and I've reached my goal size (5/8")! I have a fairly large collection (by my standards, though I've seen so many people have infinitely larger ones) as of now that continues to steadily grow.
• Adam and I went to dinner tonight and we went to Buca di Beppo and had pizza with fucking bacon on it. This is why I'm fat and this is also why I'm goddamned happy: bacon.
• Decided I'm going to DEFINITELY go to Nocturnal Wonderland. Seriously. Shit has an amazing lineup, particularly the dubstep stage (the Queen's stage or something along those lines) because both Rusko and Benga will be there. Rusko, whom I seem to listen to in large doses judging by my Last FM, and Benga who I more recently started absolutely loving. I'm thrilled. Heidi and I are going out to a ticket outlet and buying tickets tomorrow.
• Speaking of tomorrow, Rae left her car here while she's in Oregon (she's been there since yesterday) and said she wouldn't care if we drive it. So! Heidi and I are going shopping in Costa Mesa tomorrow (to Buffalo Exchange, UO, etc.), Fashion Island or Southcoast Plaza if possible, Trader Joe's, a ticket outlet for NW, and perhaps some other places. Stoked.
  
• Oh oh, saw Inglourious Basterds and District 9. Loved them both. Whenever people complain about IB being really long, I can't really relate because I barely even realized it was lengthy til the last few minutes when I started getting antsy. The fact that they kill Hitler? (Sorry if that's a spoiler, but fuck, you should've already seen the movie.) Amazing. Loved the actors, loved the writing, loved the story. District 9 was sick, in my opinion, and I loved watching it...the storyline wasn't exactly what I imagined and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Some pictures as of late:

David took me to Calico up by Barstow. I am in love with the mountains.


:)


My b00bz apparently grew over the summer. Wut.


Me, Anna, and Jean pre-Jean's 21st.


This was maybe 5% of the alcohol we got that day. Oof. I believe there are still about four bottles left of wine.


The pool pre-pool guy cleaning it and pre-chairs/tables/umbrellas we put out there.


Half inch earsies :D


Greg and I bein' fly :P


Jean and folks semi-posing. :P


Mike, Jessica, & Matt being precious.


Jessica, a girl whose name is fleeting me now :(, me, and Heidi. :D

Now, it is 5:07 and I do believe I should sleep considering we have a bit of a day tomorrow and it'll undoubtedly be fucking 106 degrees or some ungodly temperature. Plus, there's a party @ Sic & Shaf tomorrow (technically tonight, I s'pose) so I may go to that. And drinking = requires some rest beforehand.

Hope you're all well. Stay swell.
Sam

To every little limb that loves me.

I guess I haven't said much in a while. In brief bullets, here is my life lately:

• 11 days ago (Friday 7/31, of course) I went with Manda and Ryan to Scarab Body Arts in Syracuse and we each got a fucking awesome piece done. Manda's was a snitch tattoo on her lower left back with the Deathly Hallows symbol embedded into it/surrounding it, if that makes sense, and Ryan's was the DH symbol tattooed alone on the back of his right calf. I got a quill cut into my side with three small stars right above it. Pictures below.
• Went out with those two and others every single day this past week. This is a regular occurance anyways, but we extra-hung out all together because it was hella sad that I wasn't going to see them for a good four months. :(
• Stayed with my grandparents in Manlius on Wednesday night and blacksmithed a large feather. I'm actually not as bad as I thought at that business. I definitely will be making tons more iron and steel stuff.
• Went to Strong Hearts (vegan restaurant/cafe in Syracuse) every Friday for like 3-4 weeks straight. Pizza night, goddamnit.<3
• Left for CA on Saturday morning. The night before, Manda, Ry, Eddie and I stayed up until my flight. It was so depressing; she and I cried the entire way to the airport, they dropped me off, and we each just kept crying separately.
• I miss NY a lot/have that sinking feeling.
  
• The trip took 15 hours because United sucks.
• Went to Cherry On Top with David as soon as I got back. The next day, we went to this awesome western place in Barstow (I think) that was a ghost town that had been re-done and stuff. It was pretty damn cool. We even went into a mine and I kept getting creeped out because...I'm paranoid. :P
• Went to Anna/Jean's apartment to stay the night while we're waiting for the Sad House fellahs to move out (I believe they were out yesterday and now the house is being cleaned). Ended up going to Tommy's for a late dinner, drank a bit, pet the precious dogs that were there, and then came back to Anna's.
• Talked to Anna for a couple of hours both last night and the night before, which was great, and then passed out and had weird dreams (as usual).
• Hung out with Jessica Blaize & folks for most of the afternoon and then met Julianne, had coffee/talk time for a few hours, and it was a really nice night.
• Visited property management company with Anna & her dad. Very successful meeting.

Overall, I feel productive for the most part. I need to go look for a job ASAP because Chapman fucked me over on financial aid for this year, but hopefully next year will be better (unforeseen circumstances caused some issues).