Christmas Eve and counting

It has been over two months since I last wrote, but I don't think almost anybody reads this boo-hoo blog SO...ta-da, I'm back!

I'm probably going to New York City for New Year's Eve, which is something I've never done. And I'm quite excited.

I think every occasion requires a playlist, but New Year's definitely needs a special one. It needs some older, beloved songs with lots of nostalgia attached to them plus some newer ones with more recent memories, fresher in the mind. Here is my (current) NYE playlist, unrefined so far with some necessary additions that I undoubtedly have forgotten, but ta-da:

1. Apple Juice Kid/Louis Armstrong - Dreams
   
2. Bassment Jaxx - Raindrops (Doorly Dubstep Remix)
3. The Crystal Method ft. Emily Haines - Come Back Clean (ATLAS Remix)
   
4. Sharam ft. Kid Cudi - She Came Along
5. Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse ft. James Mercer - I Can Catch It
6. Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness (because of course that has to be on this list, c'mon...)
   
7. Breakage ft. Zarif - Over
8. The Archies - Sugar Sugar
9. Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone (deadmau5 remix)
10. Laura Marling - Crawled Out of the Sea
11. Beach House - Turtle Island and/or Take Care

To be continued...this list is clearly not even close to done. SOON, though...

There'll be times when my crimes will seem almost unforgivable

So, for Halloween-time I've decided on a few different costumes for the different events going on:

• For the costume wedding Eric and I are going to on the 23rd, I'm trying to convince him to be something with me buuut I doubt that's going to happen. So, I'll maybe be a blue haired Veronica Lake or Marilyn Monroe or Sophia Loren...something like that where I can dress up fancy and all that business.
• On my birthday, I think I will be a peacock. Blue lashes, feathers, lots of makeup, etc. And shimmery blue or matte turquoise tights with my crazy-tight green dress.
• For Hard Halloween, I'm going as the Black Swan persona from, duhrp, "The Black Swan" with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Really, my costume doesn't have anything to do with the story since the film's not even out yet, buuuut the makeup and hair will be totally inspired by it. I think I'm going to wear my high-waisted super tight American Apparel tap shorts with either a long-sleeved see-through lace shirt (the front isn't see-through, though, no worries) or a black lace tank with silver rhinestones and a lace pattern (done with makeup) on my chest. Aaaand some somewhat comfy, yet still quite tall, heels on top of a pair of either metallic black or silver tights. And maybe some gloves. Makeup will be super fun:
  
• On actual Halloween, I think I'll be the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Or maybe I'll do that for my birthday party. Meh, who knows. Lots of colors, a sideways hat, baggy crazy pants and jacket, crazy shoes. Fun!

This is what it feels like.

The (newly titled due to his pseudo-postcard) Fuckentucky Mix from myself sent to Eric as he finishes his AD-ing in Kentucky. On a farm. In the middle o' nowhere. Where I am not.

Anyways:

1. The Archies - Sugar Sugar
2. Sugarplum Faeries - All I Want Is You (U2 cover)
3. Shlomo - Spoons (Shigeto Mix)
4. Teengirl Fantasy - Hollywood Hills
5. The Crystal Method - Come Back Clean (ATLAS Remix)
6. Caribou - Odessa
7. Anticon - Pity Party People Interlude
8. Leslie Feist - Lover's Spit
9. Caspa - Victoria's Secret ft. D1
10. Yours truly singing and playing "Misty"...I cannot even say how much I didn't want to put this on here buuut let's be vulnerable, shall we?
11. LCD Soundsystem - New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down
12. Emily Reo - Car (Built to Spill cover)
13. The Beatles - Do You Want to Know a Secret?
14. The Cure - Friday I'm In Love
15. Mr. Oizo & Gaspard Auge - Rubber (Flying Lotus Unprotected Sex Remix)
16. Friendly Fires - Strangelove (Depeche Mode cover)
17. Rusko - Forever
18. Pink Floyd - Speak to Me - Breathe
19. Cat Stevens - Wild World
20. WHY? - Afterschool America

I'm on set this weekend (including as I write this), but don't have it tomorrow because we're finishing a day early (!!!), yet this definitely makes today feel like a Sunday rather than a Saturday. Next Thursday, Eric comes back, but he probably will only be back for a day and not completely home til the 20th. Which is a bummer. But it was be nice when he does come back for good; I've been 800 times needier since he left a month ago.

My right eye has had something in it all fucking day and it's really painful. I look like I have pink eye but I can seriously feel the something-or-other lurking on/under/around my contact, but have tried everything + have had zero luck on fixing it. For shame.

My birthday is in 3 weeks and I am so excited, fuuuuck. I desperately want a Nikon D3000, and I miiight have enough to get one. That weekend is going to be fantastic, I think. Halloween always goddamned is. Almost always, I suppose. But how perfect is it that my birthday falls on a Friday and Halloween's a Sunday? It's perfect. I love it. Mreow.

This is your two-minute warning.

Last night, I went to Alex's and he, Mohammad, and I went skinny dipping in the Tully Lake. I somehow hadn't gone skinny dipping yet this summer (though I'm sure there'll be plenty on the NorCal trip in a few weeks...), and it was really lovely. I saw a shooting star, I swam in water where I can't see the bottom--which, I'll have you know, terrifies me.

Of course, I drank quite a bit of Bailey's before hand and they had lots of whiskey, so we were at least liqueured up and stoked, but it was overall really nice. We meant to wake up at like 8 am and leave, but we slept until probably 11, and then Mohammad and I got lost on the way back from Tully, but it's okay, because it was a gorgeous day. I love driving around that area; it's perfect. I dropped him off around noon, then James & I went back that way to the res, got cigarettes, ate dinner at his mom's apartment, and drove around for a while. I ended up grocery shopping later and now I'm just exhausted.

I'm on a 10-day fast right now where I eat less than 500 calories a day.

It sounds really stupid and unhealthy, but I'm not even doing to just to lose weight. It's more because I'm sick of being obsessed with eating and food, and always needing dessert and...I don't know, I just want to finally end my addiction and dependency on it. I've lost 8.5 lbs so far this summer (I started actively trying to lose weight at the very end of May). I'm 126.5 right now, I'd love to be 122 by the middle of August. But that's irrelevant; what's more important is that I'd love to just not constantly desire food and feel like eating when I'm happy/sad/anxious/bored.

Anyways,

There are some people whom I wish I had met when they were younger and more malleable. The older every gets, the more stubborn and unable to change. They never go gently into change; they are tentatively welcoming to everyone. When we're younger, when we're children, we're never like this. When we come to a new place, we need everyone we can get, uncautiously diving into whomever is around us. Flailing around, trying to grab some hands and defeat the loneliness that comes with change.

I don't know if law is what I really want to do, but I sort of don't feel like I have much of a choice considering I know how I want my life to end up somewhat and that involves having a decent amount of money. Yeah yeah, criticize my dollar-hugging attitude, but I would rather do a career I am 70% desiring of than that pays for my kids to go to college (without huge loans) and live in a beautiful place and travel with me than do a career I'm 95% in love with that makes it near-impossible for me to ever feel financially secure. I love memorization and I love arguing ("debating"). If there's anything I'm good at, it's finding a way to understand people's actions and words, and if necessary, use them to my advantage. People are silly, they say stupid things, they leave huge holes open in their words and behaviors. And if somebody's guilty, I always find out (always); if I can make a career out of that, then all the more happiness.

Also.

Cars + Order

So, I hopefully will be able to take out a small loan and finally get a car. I desperately need one in order to have everything be possible/easier: work, school, film sets, relying on myself, volunteering, camping, travel...all of it. Getting away. I hate having to rely on other people, even though they're always so sweet about it. I feel helpless and needy; I love my friends and I'd rather be able to offer them rides than have to get them to pick me up to hang out or come to me. It makes me feel so guilty.

Indeed, I will hopefully be acquiring a small, (preferably) gas-efficient car to name and love and put flowers on the dashboard in.

Things I will do as soon as I get a car:

1. Start volunteering in Orange.
2. Go on a date with myself at a lovely restaurant. Get any food I want and perhaps even buy myself flowers.
3. Go to Silverado canyon with somebody and have a picnic.
4. Apply for like 50 jobs in Orange County.
5. Start going to the fucking beach finally.

Also, I was just made aware that Law & Order: Los Angeles is going to happen. Wut? Here is, essentially, what will happen:

A bunch of supposedly famous people (special guest stars = typically still only moderately successful) who frequently take off their sunglasses in disbelief who end up making shameful yet entertaining crimes. A witty detective (who wears brighter colors than the NY ones because the west coast is ~*just crazy!*~ like that) and his tough as nails yet beautiful female partner--who rarely has functional relationships with men--will have to solve these crimes while being held up every step of the way by absurdly attractive women and their graying, unattractive agents/fathers/husbands. There will be shitty yet energetic music. There will be boring plots with twists so bad that M. Night Shamylan wouldn't give a green light to. Lady Gaga will probably cameo.

Unique New York

Significant things that happen (whether definite or possible) prior to 2011:

• I turn 21 on October the 29th. I would love to go to Vegas but I sort of doubt this (though it does fall on a Friday...), so maybe I'll just do the Paul's-District-whatever thing, drink 'til I'm sick, and then have a dinner party the next night. Either way.
• I move into a new apartment with new people.
• I will [hopefully] be down to 118 or so in regards to my weight.

This week has been more uncomfortable than usual. I sleep for 8-9 hours and I wake up and feel like it's been days since I rested. When I sleep 4 hours a night, I feel tired the next day but at least I get shit done with my extra awake time. Needless, restless sleep.

I am never able to be happy. Why? Mostly because I'm impatient. Impatient people are never happy. I drive so slowly, though, because I don't want to die, but I still wish everything around me would move a little faster. I still wish everyone near me would move closer so I don't have to; I wish everyone would take the chances that I don't want to.

I simultaneously find everyone unattractive and perfect.

Last night, I dreamed so many things that it frightens me; my head is so fucking confusing sometimes. Here's the ones I can remember at the moment.

Dreams:

• A man's wife had had a child while he was in prison. The baby's name started with an S. It was shot in retaliation for him doing something while in jail. He then had a son after getting out of jail. First he tried to be normal and well-adjusted. Then he went crazy, I think, and went after the people who killed his daughter.
• I was in a yellow doctor's office. Three people had come with me, but I can't remember who besides my mother. The other two left the room and she stayed while the doctor did tests on me. I don't know what they were testing besides if they were trying to see if I was crazy or not. I overheard the doctor say something like, "It's true: if things keep going the way they are, the entire state of Rhode Island will be completely deserted." So, they were trying to find people to program and send there, or something like that. I recall thinking about real estate as soon as she said that. The tests made my body convulse and they had strapped me to the (green?) table. I was screaming. My mom was only mildly alarmed but I didn't want her to stop them. Later, I could see Kareem Sayid (yes, from Oz) in the middle of prayer over a child on a (yellow?) patient's bed/table, but on a boat, and a few doctors demanded of him (at gunpoint, no less) that test the child.
• Heidi and I were about to go to a party. I hadn't seen her in two months and things were moderately normal. It was a broken down house. The tablecloths were mostly sprayed newspaper. I started to wonder and almost asked what's going on with her (ahem) and then I just decided to leave; it wasn't worth it.
• I was pregnant and living with a boyfriend. We had a room similar to my parents' but it was in a very broken down old building, though our room was okay. I had thought I was painting it Tiffany's Blue (like I will actually paint my new apartment IRL!) but it came out once I painted it like an odd green. It seemed I had only painted the wall the head of the bed was against and right underneath it, though I debated painting the wood parts of the bed. My baby-daddy boyfriend got all upset at the fact that it was green, yelling: "My son is going to sleep in here; how the fuck are you gonna paint it green?" I tried to explain and started borderline crying.
• There was a gang truce going on between the Latinos and the Irish (can you tell that I've been really into Oz lately...?). Somebody wanted to start shit and started running around, telling the Latinos that the Irish were going to attack and somebody warned the Irish (who were, oddly enough, in the middle of a strip poker game in a basement and the only naked people were three girls about my age). I can't recall anything after that.

There were others, but I can't recall them anymore.

Some photos from most recent to least. I'll post the ones from this 4th of July weekend tomorrow.

James and I at Onondaga Lake

Sometimes the sky is extra amazing.

I'm in love with this little dress thing.

Dress - H&M, $15

Purse - H&M, $5

Hat - H&M, $5

5/8" Ebony shields (in my ears) - GT, $25

Shoes - My mother's

I took this of James when we visited LHS

Bad actors with bad habits

My biffle Manda and I on her bed

She got a new piercing! It's a lovely surface bar

from Scarab Body Arts in Syracuse, NY.

FRENCH.

Manda being beautiful.

I make delicious cake (it was a 2 layer strawberry

cake with fresh strawberries inside the cake

along with fluffy chocolate buttercream frosting,

in case you were wondering).

Toby, me, Ryan after Ichibans + N64 a few weeks ago.

There aren't any rainbows

"The human brain is only capable of maintaining 150 stable relationships."

It is funny, then, that I am unable to hold more than a handful of them. Well, stable ones, at least.

In any case, things that have happened in the past 48 hours:

• I got my license (yes, finally; I'm nearly 21 and got it just yesterday, haha)
• I found out I didn't get the part-time job I applied for because I'll be leaving after summer
• I've run nearly 10 miles
• Because my previous laptop seems to have offed itself, I ended up getting a new laptop :) Toshiba Satellite lovely thing...
• I've eaten way too fucking much
• I cried from 5am until around 9am

James and I went to Recess tonight (I drove, yayyy). We called/texted Manda a few times each to see if she wanted to come but we couldn't get ahold of her, unfortunately. It was pouring for a minute so we waited at Recess 'til it stopped and then stopped by Mohammad's, watched the end of Mean Girls, and that was nice. We drove back and went to Wegmans, went to get fries, then I decided (post-ordering) not to get them so we drove away and went to Taco Bell, then got gas and went home. I really like driving at night; it was so peaceful.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go running somewhere other than my neighborhood now that I can actually drive away to a place, haha. I want to find some interesting/lovely things to do in CNY that I never did because I couldn't get there and nobody was interested. Hmmm...I'll figure something out. I definitely need to pick up kickboxing...

Boot Camp

Bootcamp!
So, the week before I go back to CA (in late July), Manda, James, and I are doing a 7-day VIP trial at Gold's Gym. Pretty much, we can do whatever we want in the gym fo' free for 7 days. I've been trying to figure out exactly how to maximize our mini-memberships in order to utilize lots of gym time, lots of pool time, and lots of class time. So far, my own person schedule may look like:

Monday

• 8 - 9am--> WillPower & Grace
• 10 - 11 --> Group Ride
• 1:30 - 2:30 --> Swim laps
• 2:45 - 3 --> Spa
• 3 - 4 --> Treadmill, elliptical, track, etc.
  

Tuesday

• 5:45 - 6:45am --> Group Ride
• 9 - 10 --> WillPower & Grace
• 12 - 1:30pm --> Treadmill, elliptical, track, etc.
• 1:45 - 2:30 --> Free swim
• 5:15 - 6:30 --> Group Power
• 6:30 - 7:30 --> Zumba
• 6:30 - 7:30 --> Group Center

Wednesday

• 9:15 - 10:15am or 10:30 - 11:30am --> Aqua Fit
• 9 - 10 --> Group Ride
• 10:30 - 11:30 --> Swim
  
• 5:30 - 6:30pm --> Spinning
• 7:30 - 8:30pm --> Group Kick (the one I'm most excited for!)
  

Thursday

• 5:45 - 6:45am --> Group Ride
• 9 - 10 --> Cardio Sculpt
• 10:30 - 11:45 --> Swim + Spa
  
• 12 - 12:45pm --> Treadmill, elliptical, track, etc.
• 4:30 - 5:30 or 6:30 - 7:30 --> Zumba
• 6:30 - 7:30 --> Pilates
  

Friday

• 9 - 10am --> Group Ride
• 9:15 - 10:15 or 10:30 - 11:30 --> Aqua Fit
• 12 - 1pm --> Treadmill, elliptical, track, etc.
• 5:30 - 6:30pm --> Group Groove
• 6:30 - 7:30 --> Yoga

Saturday

• 6 - 7am --> Group Ride
• 7:30 - 8:15 --> Swim + Spa
  
• 9 - 10 --> Group Step
• 3 - 5pm --> Treadmill, elliptical, track, etc.
  

Sunday

• 7:30 - 8:30am --> Group Ride
• 8 - 9 --> Aqua Fit
• 8:30 - 9:30 --> Power Jam
• 10:30 - 11:30 --> Zumba
• 3 - 5pm --> Treadmill, elliptical, track, etc.

Realistically, of course, I won't end up doing all of this. But I want to do at least 50%-75% of the stuff I've listed. I need to kick my own ass back into shape. It's 5:33am right now and I'm about to run. Later!

Doo doo, doo doo.

First of all, I strongly recommend you read Gina's latest entry. I giggled up a goddamned storm.

Secondly, I've been thinking about the future a lot (because what else is there to imagine when things are the way they are at the moment?), and I think a fair amount about what raising kids will belile.I think about having kids someday, sometimes I think about how I'll never fool them into believing Christopher Columbus was a good person. How I'll never let them think America was populated in a kind, nurturing, non-violent way. I'll tell them about what was done to the Native Americans and to slaves and to immigrants, and what's still fucked up about the world. I won't tell them our government is perfect or that it's the best kind there is. I'll always tell the truth and give my honest opinion when it comes to information because it's irresponsible not to.

I'll never buy meat or dairy sourced from factory farms, and someday, I'll give them the choice of being vegetarian. I won't let them drink coffee. I will never let them feel alone; if I have a daughter, and if/when middle school sucks for her, I will make sure she stays strong but never force her to go. I'll try not to yell. I will change if I have to, for their sakes. I'll never try to live vicariously through them, ever, and never force them to do something simply because they're good even if they don't like the activity. I will do my very, very best to never say anything I don't mean in arguments. And I will never put my burdens and bitterness on or towards them. We will have a dog, a cat, and cows, and I'll always teach them how important animals' rights are. If their father is, in any way, a negative influence on their lives, it'll be a "one strike and goodbye" policy, because that is how shit should be. They will always come first.

Thirdly, I have been painting a lot lately. Almost non-stop. I started about a week ago and I can't stop; I love doing it so much. I also bought some new and colorful yarn so I can start knitting again. :)

And fourth, my dream on Wednesday night: I was dating Simon Adebisi (for those of you who don't watch Oz, he is played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje who also plays Mr. Eko on Lost). We boned in a sickeningly yellow room, then I played a soccer game with bare feet in my bright red fluffy bathrobe. He cheered me on. It was lovely o' him.


And my dream last night: James and I were driving in a cul-de-sac and he was drunk. He said he would never drink again but he kept driving. It was night outside. Later, Manda and I were with Eddie in a little museum-house. It had slanty ceilings and I was so confused as to where everything was. Manda and Eddie wanted to continue to a different room while I studied some drawings. There was one that was a blue ship on white paper that was angled oddly. I tried to take a photo of it on my phone but I couldn't for some reason. The other drawing was on rectangular (longer width, shorter length) yellow construction paper. It was an orange--with white streaks--furry creature with green eyes in the middle (maybe slightly right of middle) of the page. Then on the far right, almost walking off the page, the outline and slight details of an alien with a large rounded head facing the right side, off-page. I remember drawing his eyes Maybe laughing. He looked like the Futurama tv anchor guy.
There was also a different dream after (or maybe before) where I was driving down this street (that was strikingly similar to James' mom's street in Syracuse towards the ghetto Wegmans on the West Side) but it was day time. I can't remember the situation but I was driving with somebody and I don't think I could drive straight. It was definitely weird though. What was I trying to find?

Goals are for crazy people.

I just got back from running. I ran just about 2 miles today, but I did it considerably faster than the past couple o' days. I almost didn't run today, but then I thought about it and decided that I have to try to do it every day I can because otherwise, I'll just find new excuses not to. And then I'll gain weight again. And then I shall be bummed and disappointed in myself for not continuing with my progress. I haven't been eating that well, though. I'm trying to change that gradually. Manda, Tim, and I ate Gardein vegetarian pulled "pork" last night and that was really good. Perhaps when my iron's all the way up again I'll go back to being a vegetarian.

Summer Goals:

• Keep running approximately 2-3 miles each morning; gradually increase by 1 mile every two to three weeks.
• Continue using FitDay.com to improve diet, exercise, and overall health habits.
• Get BMI down to ~19 (I want to be 120ish and I'm 5'7") which would mean losing about 12-15 lbs.
• Drop the 5 pounds gained during May (fuck you finals week) by June 15th.
• Get back to an almost normal sleep schedule.
• Be able to go shopping without feeling like death is becoming me because I can't look at myself in jean shorts.
• Life weights 2-3 times a week.

Heaven is a good apartment with answers.

Hypothetically, there's such a thing as an afterlife. If it were ideal, I would hope it would be whatever each individual person's would want to live like forever, or perhaps a series of vacations that never end until you want them to. My own person slice:

• Finding out all the great mysteries I've never understood. Finding out what UVB-76 really is, or what undiscovered creatures are in the depths of the ocean, or understanding the Voynich Manuscript. I can think of few things more exciting and enthralling than searching for answers on adventures and being able to find them.
• Having a fucking awesome house in the country with tons of animals--but because it's the afterlife, the animals just want to be cuddled and run around and hang out with each other. There is no shoo-shoo in the afterlife.
• I would never need to look up songs; just automatically have the title and artist in my head.
• My hair would really be like Tonks' and would just change whenever I wanted it to.
• Everyone I love would be around some of the time.
• My other apartment in the city--there are huge non-polluted cities in my "heaven"--would be bomb. It would be full of the amazing and ridiculously priced things in Sky Mall and there'd be no extra charge for pets and my grandparents would visit all the time.

Speaking of bomb apartments, my apartment next year should be pretty bomb. My house from this year that I shared with Rae, Heidi, and Anna was pretty rad (pool + lots of trees), but the Aspens is so lovely. Things I dig about my apartment:

• First of all, the whole thing looks like a hobbit town.
• It's gated, meaning I won't be nearly as paranoid as usual.
• Fitness center that runs 5am to 10pm.
• Living with Gina and Julia, both of whom are fantastic.
• Quite a damn bit cheaper than Glad House.
• 2 swimming pools that are both heated, yesss.
• Spa!
• Tennis courts!
• Balconies are awesome.
• Air conditioning/heat.
• Our gas bill is paid for by them.
• Lots of people I dig are living there next year (Rae, Rocco, Bryan, Heidi, etc.)

Disadvantages:

• We'd have to rent a refrigerator.
• They don't have 3 bedroom apartments so Julia is taking the living room, which makes me feel bad for her :( But we'll fix it up mega snazzy and make sure there's lots of privacy for her.
• Parking sucks.
• Lots of people from Chapman live in the Aspens that I don't like, as well.
• It's probably too small to have rage parties, bummerrrr.

• 
  
• 

This is where I get to live!

I've been in NY since Saturday and now it's Monday. I need to go hiking or something. Maybe organize my makeup.

Ever look back on your adolescent/young adult experience and think how abnormal yours was? Maybe mine wasn't crazy abnormal, but if I keep comparing myself with other people, I'll probably go crazier than I already am.

MLIG

BeezyTalk is (almost positively) THURSDAY NIGHTS @ 8. Our lives our fucking G considering that is an insanely sick time slot; I'm extremely stoked.

We've been planning our first show and a few people said they'd come back to DJ at some point during the semester, as well as quite a few buds who are going to guest occasionally. Here are a couple of our posters. (By the way, we obviously aren't A+ with photoshop but they're still fun.)

Trying hard as hell to say:

Schedule for fall 2009 (one class is tentative). The one I'm most excited about = intro to CW. Goddamned, do I love writing.
Monday:

• 1 - 2:15 Intro to Creative Writing
• 2:30 - 3:45 Composing Self
• 4 - 5:15 Beauty of Physics

Tuesday:

• 10 - 11:15 Studies in Literary Tradition
• 5:30 - 6:45 Elementary Arabic

Wednesday:

• Same as Monday but with:
• 7 - 10 Social Problems

Thursday:

• Same as Tuesday but:
• 7 - 9:45 Race and Change in South Africa and the United States (tentative)
  

And obvs, no classes on Friday because my week is packed and that would suck if I had to do that, haha. Plus, this way, I can work on more sets.

Other plans for this coming semester:

• Getting better grades (particularly in regards to attendance)
• Exercising more
• Working at the daycare
• Learning to cook better
• Heidi and I's radio show ("BeezyTalk")
• Going to LA with her on photoshoots so we can both get some money (her-modeling, me-makeup)
• Fixing up Sad/Glad (gardening!)
• Starting a side piece if I get extra money by some miracle
• Learning to play a new instrument
• Hopefully volunteering at an animal shelter
• Starting Women's Studies minor
  

'I Will Be True' (From Lips of Lying Dying Wonder Body #1)

I hadn't really shopped in a while until this week, when I bought 5 pairs of plugs (I believe I wrote about it a few entries down) and then went to Great Northern with Manda and we found some good sales. I also found out Gertrude Hawk's Hot Fudge Sundae truffle is tasty for 3 seconds, then tastes like vom. No lie. Later that night, we went to a party with Eddie in Pinegate South. It was a really good time; we drank quite a bit, I pet a cat (of course), we went skinny dipping later, drank moar, and fell asleep at Manda's. =D

I started blacksmithing yesterday! I went to my grandparents' house, pet/held Popeye (the one-eyed cat that lives next door) for a while, helped fix the lawnmower, and made dinner (vegetable and beef stew + peaches and cream for dessert). But before dinner, my grandfather showed me how to straighten metal on the anvil with the hammer, the rhythm, safety stuff, how to curve metal, etc. I pounded some iron into a curve and then straightened it a couple of times, and it was really fun; I'm super stoked to do it again soon. :D

Oh, and I have a fucking unhealed sprain in my wrist. I'm pretty sure it's from falling down the stairs a few weeks ago. I went to the doctor today for various reasons, that being one of them, and she said I have to buy a hard wrist splint to avoid unnecessarily bending it. :( Shit sucks. Ah well, at least it'll stop hurting!

Things I already have for moving in:

• Desk (thanks to Tommy's generosity)
• Bed (thanks to Nathan moving into a smaller place and not being able to own a queen size there)
• 10 photo frames from Christmas 2007 that I just...never filled; this will be super helpful for my decorating
• Full-length mirror (found next to David's car when he helped me move out of the dorms)
• Quilts + pillow cases
• My makeup toolbox, recently cleaned, reorganized, revamped
  

Things I need or want to purchase/find on Craigslist/get at a garage sale once there:

• Record player - I'm sick of owning vinyls and only being able to play them at other people's houses. Granted, we have a record player but it's heavily used and from the 60s/70s, and it definitely needs a new needle. Not to mention the fact that shipping that shit would be hard.
• Sheets
• Plug box (preferably wood; I need to line it with felt or velvet)
• Dishes/silverware
• Dresser

Things I have recently bought:

• 3 pairs of plugs from Steel Navel (close-ups in the entry below - picture of all the new plugs together)
• 2 pairs from GT: 7/16" df wooden hearts (!!!) and 7/16" trans purple Kaos eyelets
  
  
• H&M organic sweater; originally $30, sale for $5
  
• 
• Three pairs of H&M lace unmentionables (I don't particularly like the word "panties"); originally $8 each, got them for $1/pair
  
• 
• Victoria's Secret tote; originally $20, sale for $4.50
• Victoria's Secret eyelash curler; originally $16 on sale for $4

Obviously, I fucking love sales. As if this wasn't clear enough.

Wanna put mah tendah, heart in a blendah...

Next year, for Heidi and I's radio show, we're having at least one show once in a while that's completely 90s. Here are some examples, because we all fucking love 90s music. (If you don't, that auto-translates to: "We're not friends, then.")

1. Barenaked Ladies - One Week
   
2. Eve 6 - Beautiful Oblivion, Think Twice, Here's to the Night
3. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
   
4. Lisa Loeb - Stay
5. Alanis Morrisette - Basically any song from "Jagged Little Pill"
6. Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains, Stupid Girl
   
7. Chumbawamba - Tubthumping
   
8. Goo Goo Dolls - Broadway, Slide, Sympathy, Iris
9. The Pixies - Wave of Mutilation among a bunch of others
   
10. The Fugees - Killing Me Softly, Ready or Not
11. Nirvana - Do I really need to list songs for this one?
12. TLC - No Scrubs, Waterfalls, Creep
    
13. Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight
14. Sublime - See "Nirvana"
    
15. Bush - Glycerine
    
16. Four Non-Blondes - What's Up
17. Spice Girls - Wannabe, Two Become One, etc.
    
18. Des'ree - You Gotta Be, Kissing You
19. Tal Bachman - She's So High
    
20. Marcy Playground - Sex & Candy, Sherry Fraser
21. Third Eye Blind - Jumper
    
22. New Radicals - Get What You Give
23. House of Pain - Jump Around
24. No Doubt - Sunday Morning, Just a Girl, Spiderwebs
25. Placebo - Every Me Every You,
26. The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
27. Tonic - If You Could Only See
28. Sugar Ray - Someday, Runaway
29. Selena - Dreaming of You
30. 9 Days - Absolutely
31. Fastball - The Way
32. MC Hammer - 2 Legit 2 Quit
33. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Plenty of songs
34. Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight Tonight, 1979, etc.
35. Will Smith - Will 2k, Gettin' Jiggy With It
36. Semisonic - FNT

And that's definitely not it, considering I have a 90s playlist on my computer with hundreds of songs. It's going to be solid.

Complete or completing.

Something awesome: I'm going to learn how to blacksmith from my grandfather on my mother's side. He's been blacksmithing for years and years, as far back as I can remember and probably many years before I was born. Only recently did he stop doing it regularly, but he seemed happy when I asked if he'd teach me. He does this among a million other things that he does wonderfully, including drawing, pastels, carving, engineering, and on and on...he's such an awesome person and I'm really, really stoked that I'll get to see him more this summer (he lives in Manlius but now that I don't go to MPH anymore, I'm not there that often), as well as my grandmother who I'm going to sew with this summer. She and my mom (and my aunt) are amazing at sewing; a talent that I, unfortunately, did not inherit. I can hem and I'm good at designing color patterns. I blow balls at sewing, haha...my hands aren't steady enough. Anyways, these are my grandparents that I'm talking about:

June 2008

Aaand my parents. I really don't look like them, haha.
Also, I love this picture because it shows how ADD we all are.


My parents and I in July 2007.


This is in Jersey with my dad's side (this is only a fraction of
our family there). My grandparents are the two at the bottom :)


Mateo, my middle brother. He's 22 right now (20 in this picture, though).
He's at Buffalo right now and I think he's a senior this year.


Brian, my oldest brother. He's 24 now, he was 22 in this picture.
He lives out in Davis in northern CA, and is currently working on his masters/PhD.


My grandmother again. :)


My parents and I when I was in 5th (I think) grade for a band concert.
There's a flute in my right hand, haha. I used to be fucking weird looking.
Not saying I'm not now, but...check out my awkward eyebrows.
Try not to LOL too hard.

Anyways, that's my family. Or, at least, some of it.

Get Glad.

The sun comes up before I sleep every single day.

I keep planning for Glad House. I love planning and decorating; I had a shit ton of fun when I just arrived to Chapman because of decorating my room, making stuff, etc. It sounds so stupid but goddamnit, I stay up until 8 AM every fucking day; I need something to do.

I've decided that this summer, I'm going to make a few things for it because...I'm cheap and can't afford tons of new shit. I plan on making:

• Patchwork curtains for my room
• Patchwork pillowcases (also for my room)
• Wood letters carved into the shape of an S, an H, a J, and an A for our first initials, then attach a hook onto each for either coats, purses, or keys. That way we can all keep organized, oui?
• Paintings or large poster-sized photos. I've been meaning to paint for so long and I'd like to start and actually try despite being perpetually afraid of failing/making crap.

I also would like to find (preferably for cheap):

• Record player
• Queen-size bed mattress - I honestly would love to have a queen mattress + a queen frame, but I'm pretty sure the frames cost way too much so I'd rather just make a makeshift bed-raiser somewhere and put a queen mattress on top. I'm seriously so fucking sick of twin size mattresses; my back has never felt good in them and I'm a crazy-moving-sleeper, so I've fallen off many times.
• Other paintings (whether they're done by friends or otherwise)
• Wood plug box - preferably mahogany with a shiny finish, but I really shouldn't be too picky. I just need a nice little place to store my babies.
• Lamps with colored glass
• Wood desk

I already am using that mirror I found in the parking structure that somebody abandoned, so that's off the list of shit to buy. I'm probably just looking on Craigslist once I get there to buy a desk and shelves, but who knows? Perhaps I'll attempt to make some. I know I may seem incapable with most technology, but my grandfather's an amazing blacksmith and good at all other art, and I'm pretty sure he could teach anybody to do anything, so if I get his help, I might be able to make some myself. :)

Tuesday night, Ryan and Eddie picked me up and we went over to Ry's and hung out with Toby and Tom. Ry's grandpa died so shit sucks, and he asked me to make the cake for his aunt Jeani (who was especially asd) like the one I made last January (triple layer white cake with cream cheese frosting, blackberries and raspberries). We got ingredients at Wegmans and went back to his house. I started making the cake, then Manda and James came over and we all baked and Janice flipped out, per usual. Manda brought her delish giant cupcake tin and we tried to make that happen but the oven got angry and regurgitated it back at us, basically. :( We'll try again soon. Jeani deserves multiple cakes for being so awesome. The cake turned out like this:

Ryan and Manda during the baking process:

Tonight, we brought Jeani the cake. She really liked it, I'm so glad. :)

Then, Manda got out of work and we went to BVille Diner. I haven't been there in about a year, SO delicious. Ryan and his papa:

Also, a shot from the plane's window:

Sunset is an all day process.

Decisions: I make odd ones. That is unrelated, but not irrelevant.

I'm home now. It's 4:49 AM and jet lag is annoying (it feels like 1:49, which is still late, I s'pose, but not really for me). My dad picked me up at the airport, we picked up Panda, and she and I hung out all night. It was really nice and I'm fucking stoked on this summer. Om nom nom, there will be BAKED GOODS. And tits. Everywhere.

I went to the airport yesterday to come home; Delta fucked up and I couldn't until today. So instead, I watched horror movies with David all day Sunday (and some of Saturday). Some bad, some good. Three...Extremes, Washingtonians (MoH), Tooth & Nail (8 FTDF), The Damned Thing (MoH), The Blair Witch Project (kehkeh, still gave me a nightmare, oddly enough), The Screwfly Solution (MoH), Dream Cruise (MoH)...probably more but I can't remember now. Screwfly Solution had good ideas but a nonlinear, irritatingly bad storyline. Three...Extremes is really fantastic; I've seen it before but never watched "Box" (the Takashi Miike one - I think I love every movie I've seen of his) and I fucking adored it. It's beautiful and subtle, high context and so harsh. I really love it.

You're rich but I'm free.

Dream Cruise, The Washingtonians, The Damned Thing...all terrible. Some Masters of Horror films are awesome (Imprint, Jenifer, and Cigarette Burns). Some are pretty decent (The Fair-Haired Child, Sick Girl, Family, Pro-Life, Incident On & Off A Mountain Road). And some are fucking horrendous (these previously stated ones along with Chocolate, Deer Woman...probably others). Meh, ah well. The ones that are incredible are genuinely fantastic and worth seeing. Cigarette Burns is one of my favorite movies, period. I think it's pretty ingeniously done and it genuinely scared the shit out of me the first time I saw it. Highly recommended if you actually like horror and the idea of horror films affecting people strongly.

Saturday night, I went to Leslie's and said bye to some people who graduated as well as some people I just won't see the rest of the summer. I got a bit drunk. Understatement. Before I got that drunk, I ran into a door. My nose still hurts but it's kind of funny (now). It was a good time, though. Went to Sad House after. I can't wait to move in. I love preparing for shit and I've already decided how I'm sewing my curtains, pillowcases, etc. and that I'll have a queen size mattress, a record player, and a nice little wood desk. Anyways, precious moment that night:

Trevor, me, and Nathan. Precious.

I'm hopefully getting scarification this summer. The backs of my legs are begging for it. The cuttings (or, perhaps, I might just do red ink so it's permanently red) will look like these pictures (I haven't decided on a definite one, yet):

(Obviously, there will be less detail if it's a cutting.) I'm stoked. I'm definitely getting some text with them; either cursive, red text underneath in Spanish or another short Times New Roman literary quote nearby.

'Cause any smokes will kill you.

I'll be waiting in this parking lot,
And in my dreams, I am dirty broke, beautiful, and free.

I'm digging Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains lately.

I'm completely done; I finished all my finals :) I got an A on my Intro to Poetry paper that I turned it two weeks late. He was super positive in his response and I am fucking thrilled; I wasn't sure what he'd think. I wrote a 7-8 page paper on "Gypsy Girl" by Saul Williams from SHE and I'm just really happy Glaser liked it. I'm super sleepy, though, so I think I shall take a little nap and then meet Heidi for cocoa/coffee. Tonight = AP screenings and then I think we might go to Sad House to watch some Twin Peaks with Niels and, if I can get ahold of him, Nathan. Twin Peaks = one of my favorite shows, I can't help it. Dialogue is so ridiculous but the story is awesooome.

Tomorrow is Undie Run and I'm stoked. Heidi and I have our outfits planned out, Dillon's DJing the foam party afterwards, and it'll be a good time. I'm wearing a pretty conservative bra, a scarf, and boxers because...I'm not running around in a thong and a bikini, no thank you. I'd rather not have pictures of me drunk and half-naked around the interwebz, haha. But I'm down for dancing and fountain-playing.

And may the only cocktails we make be Molotov.

You didn't just switch teams; you left the game.

Goals for the next year or so:

1. Stop being so co-dependent on other people.
2. Write as much as possible. Hopefully, work up confidence to submit things.
   
3. Stop accommodating everyone around me regardless of how it makes me feel.
4. See WHY? live.
   
5. Successfully move into Sad/Glad House
6. Start dreads once my hair is about two inches longer than it is now.
7. Lose approximately 10 to 15 pounds.
8. Get a damn job or at least work on enough sets that I can pay for shit with the money from them.
9. Get a Filbert. If you don't know what that is, please see this article and this picture.
10. Have a fairly large collection of 1/2" plugs (and etc. such stuff).
11. Work on confidence issues, anxiety, etc.
12. Start side pieces, hopefully be done with at least the outlines.

And some other shit I can't write here.

I swear, I care.

Two posts in like four hours. Oh, dear.

Yesterday: Heidi and I went to visit folks at the film school while they finished "The Time Traveler." We wore pajamas. Then, Heidi and I went to Rocky Horror rehearsal with Nathan. Then we went back and hung out at his place for a while, drank a bit, and Sabrina came over, as well. We ended up going over to Whitney's because it was his birthday. Proceeded to get more drunk. Left around 3:30, fell asleep at 4, and woke up today at 9:30 am. How? No idea.
Today: Woke up early. Had lunch with Heidi, Jessica, and John. Doing makeup for Rocky Horror, going to the dance show, then going to That 70s House for their 70s porno party.
Tomorrow: Showing girl who's working on Jessica's set what to do for makeup, then pick-up for Wes's set at 10. Getting super dressed up with Heidi. Then pre-gaming (most likely with Nathan) and being his pseudo-dates for "The Time Traveler" premiere at 7! Afterwards, some sort of party, I'm assuming.
Sunday: Call is at 6 am at the film school for a commercial for the OC Register that I'm doing makeup for (we're working with FIFTEEN CATS...!!!) and going to Santa Clarita for that. Back around 7 and then going with Heidi to the Music Conference at the Saloon.


Time is the weirdest commodity.