There's a bird's nest outside my window.

Yesterday, I went to the zoo with Manda, Joe, Tony, and Julia. Joe, Tony, and Julia have been visiting from NJ this week (I believe they leave today to go back). In the past four days, I have:

• Gone to the zoo
  
• Gone to Scarab to be with Manda while she gets something pierced
• Read for "Closer"
• Eaten at Dinosaur BBQ AND Pastabilities
• Bought some clothes
  

And probably other things that I can't think of. I've had at least two caramel + hot fudge sundaes, though...delicious.

New outfit:

Dress: Forever 21, $12.50
Tights: Sparkle & Face @ UO, $5ish
Boots: Heidi's :P

ZOO!

Found this at MPH:

Also, my ears are now stretched to 00g. I'll show pictures soon. But I'm pretty stoked :D

For better or for worse.

So in the process of deleting pictures to make room on my computer, I had to go through pretty much every folder of photos I've made since I got this laptop (2/08) and it's surprising/eerie to see the ones from last year. I never would've thought then that...well, you know. "I'd be where I am now," y'know? All that business.

I'll share some. And put them into two parts (2008 and 2009).

In 2008, I:

Made these cards for Valentine's Day 2008.


Did a photo sesh at the SU Law School :P


Went to Mohammad's house frequently.


Drank a lot at said house...


Was there when my baby got home from her first year of college!


Went to my fourth and final prom.


Conducted some shit. (Actually, it was Imogen Heap's "Hide & Seek" and it was sick.)


Went to the ZOO with Panda, Mohammad, and Joe!


Graduated high school and shit. My family = so ADD.


Had a graduation party.


Dyed my hair blue with lighter blue highlights.


Argued about stuff (not really).


Was Laura in Glass Menagerie.


Got a new tattoo.


Went to Ren Faire. Ryan beat my ass shortly after this.


Went on a fucking awesome Pennsylvanian adventure.


Went to Nocturnal Wonderland.


Hung out with some ladiezzz.


Went to Crystal Cove and loved it.


Had an awesome day-before-birthday thanks to this fellah!
(He surprised me with Knott's Scary Farm!)


Had an awesome birthday.


Went to Hard Fest with Liv & Clark.
Fun day, but that night was hellish due to bad roll.


MET MY FUCKING IDOL (Kay Hanley from Letters to Cleo).



Went to northern California with David for
Thanksgiving to visit my brother Brian in Davis.


Remembered what snow looks like.


Came home and saw Ryry.


Probably was intoxicated. :P


Grew my hair out.


Celebrated Christmas in New Jersey with my dad's side. :)


Had surgery and went from this...


...To this. Fucked up on Morphine still.

I lay these eggshells to remember to be careful

I always think I've changed until I realize: No, I am the exact same person. I still let people push me around if they want to because I'm...well, not afraid, but I just fucking hate conflict with people I care about. And I still am a jealous person. I still get worried about things that shouldn't worry me. I still compulsively eat, sleep at the wrong times, etc. This isn't me whining (not that anyone's reading this nor, even if they are, do I care about people judging); meh, it's more a resolution to attempt to change...again. Hopefully.

Anyways, I bought these online (UO sale + coupon code = success):

Rainbow Strip Sunglasses $4.99 (was $18)


BDG Knit Maxi Skirt - $4.99 (was $42)



Shadow Readers - $4.99 (was $18)
These are to replace the ones I lost at Undie Run.


Microfloral Printed Patch Shams - $4.99 (was $30)

I was extremely sick today. I was super femininely ill, if you catch my drift, to the point where I had a fever and couldn't walk. And I was rather emotionally miserable, as well, but I watched movies and wrote and perhaps that helped. Who knows? I watched Willy Wonka (1971 one) and it made me feel tons better for a while.

This is how I felt today.

Citrus shoulder.

Fuck optimism. All it makes me do is knock on wood every few minutes (which is really just a clear sign of pessimism). This is unrelated to the little story I'll tell you next, which is something I didn't have much hope for.

Tonight, Ryan drove me to Westcott to get the money a certain ex-boyfriend owes me. Granted, he owes me far more than he gave me (I paid his rent one month and he think thinks that's all he owes me for - not, y'know, the Broken Social Scene concert ticket, any of the food or the massive amounts of coffee, etc...). I didn't even recognize him when I saw him. I don't think I've seen him in almost a year. He's still a 16-year-old boy in a 22-year-old boy's body. People say he'll grow up but...meh, I strongly doubt it. His family's really chill, very mature...he just got the genes that decided to remain a little too egocentric and youthful. I really didn't want to chat, but he asked me how California was and all I said was: "Warm." And I felt like I should say "How are you?" so I did, to which he began yadda-yaddaing about how he's playing some set (which nobody asked for, I'm sure; he just volunteered and then they reluctantly said "Okay..." as I've been told happens often) after the band that was playing. Read: I do not care about this person anymore. He is of no consequence to me. This was what I needed and I'd rather never talk to him again. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to ruin his life, I don't want to cause him harm. I just want him out of my life. This is hopefully the last time I see the kid that I emotionally/financially cared for as he leeched off me for the small 5-month span of us seeing each other. I've never seen tantrums like the ones he threw when I broke up with him; screaming on his porch, grabbing my feet on the floor, crying hysterically, calling every minute, talking tons of shit to anyone and everyone, chasing me down the stairs, physically not letting me leave...I'm done. What's really funny is that neither of us really cared about one another (clearly); I was lonely and he desperately needed somebody to rely on.

This really isn't me trying to be mean. This is how I see it and, sure, other people may have different opinions. But other people didn't deal with somebody freaking out and crying every time you got a call from another male or got woken up on fucking Christmas for a pretty damn unspeakable reason, and then told they could do nothing.

Speaking of which, fuck Christmas time. I used to love it but for the past three years, something terrible or depressing (or both) always happens right around then. Oh, holiday cheer. I'm going to go watch porn, write some of the screenplay I've been working on, make a box for my plugs and other jewelry, and then fall asleep around dawntime.

Also, I'm realizing I watch entirely too much late night TV now that I'm home. I just recognized the same woman from infomercials I've seen before on both a ChipMaster (something like that) infomercial and the Trojan Vibrating Touch testimonial infomercial. Fishy.

Hire prostitutes. Pay in beatings.

Nathan just posted this to me. I LOL'd.

I sent this back:

I LOL at Advice Dog variations. Can't fucking help it.

I've had two conversations that made me LOL today. Well, more probably, but these are the two that stick out most. They're more funny to me, though, so I'm sure nobody else will giggle as hard as I.

I'm talking to Greg about Saturday:
Greg: i had an insane time last weekend
Me: I think I almost passed out on sad house lawn. i had no idea i had had that much to drink. david brought me back and i guess i passed out a sidewalk again
Greg: yeah we found your puke sunday morning. it looked really weird
Me: oh god.
Greg: its cool
Me: i forgot i threw up
Greg: yep, you were like "i need to throw up"
then you went on the lawn and did so, then you were there for a while
and me and niels were like
is sam ok? we should check on her
and just then david showed
Me: goddamnit

Goddamnit, go me. I have the alcohol tolerance of toddler. I need to stop that, probably.



Manda, Ryan, and I were driving in Ry's car earlier tonight. They were extremely high. It's about 11:30 pm. Manda turns to us and goes:
"GUYS, if we start driving now, we can get to the aquarium before they open."
So, for some odd reason, I yell:
"GUYS, if we start driving now, we can get to Michigan before it opens."
This made us giggle for like twenty minutes. Later when we were playing Guitar Hero at 2 am and Manda needed to use the bathroom 8 times. Ryan and I staged an intervention.