Like a one-armed star.

There is a certain amount of insensitivity that plagues the places I seem to be. It's not as though I think it follows me so much as I follow it for reasons unknown. You know how there's that general belief that girls love boys who are mean to them? This is true and not true; I think people like the idea of "working" to get somebody to spend time with them (I have no idea why this is considering it seems like hitting it off right away would be more desirable) but simultaneously do not want to have to feel neglected or pushed away. So peculiar that we don't readily expect respect; that we'd rather bask in something else. Does it make people feel like they deserve it more if they waited longer? That there was effort involved?

It's also curious, then, that people do this bullshit "hard to get" play in an attempt to feel oh-so-desirable. Girls and boys both do this. It's just...childish. It's like kicking sand at the boys on the playground, trying to make them come over to your side of the box by repelling them further. And yet, I see it everywhere all of the time. "I don't want him to think I'm trying to hard, oh my god!" Logical, but if you are trying too hard, doesn't that just make you disingenuous? I mean, hypothetically, your entire life IS you, trying too hard: planning your outfits depending on what they "say" about your personality, drinking purely for inclusion, being pretentious as fuck (OT: speaking of American Lit, Esdale's now my adviser!) in order to be "impressive"...well, then it almost makes sense that you'd be childish in regards to romantic affairs. However, I've watched so many people I know, particularly here, try to pull off the "hard-to-get" attitude. What the hell?

Is it really that hard to say: "I like you" "I like you, too" and then be fucking done with it? Apparently not. Apparently I just like simplistic bullshit. Maybe I need to start trying harder to appear to try less hard rather than actually be a nice person who makes a visible damn effort to maintain friendships/etc.

Just kidding. Fuck that.

THAT'S WHY I SAID I RELATE.

I am trying to learn how to breathe again.